Buddha said that anger is a poison we drink to hurt someone else. A pretty stupid thing to do! We all get angry with others at times. That's normal but nurturing that anger so that you can not work with them or that you think everything they do is aimed at undermining you is counter-productive. Only you suffer.
The following technique can help you think about the person you are angry with differently and help you lower your own anger so you can deal with them professionally without your emotions getting in the way.
- Think of the person you are angry with. It is best to do this in a quiet room with your eyes closed.
- Explain to them why you are angry with them. What have they done? What was it exactly about what they did that made you angry? How did it hurt you?
- Rate the level of your anger from 1 to 10. 10 is so angry you can't think of anything else.
- Make yourself even angrier. If you rated your anger as a 6, what would make you angrier with this person?
- Imagine you are in a corridor with them. They are standing beside you. Picture them clearly.
- Walk together down the corridor. As you walk, imagine they are getting younger, moving through different stages of their life. What happened to them? What were the main events? Keep going until they are a young child. How do you feel about them as a young child?
- Return along the corridor. Watch them age again through these events. You should feel your anger subside now.
- Tell them you are no longer angry with them. Often this process makes you understand them better and helps you see the world from their perspective.
- Open your eyes. Give your anger a score from 1 to 10. Is it lower than the original score?
This technique can help you get back in control. When you are angry, you are not in control.
Your small improvement for today is to try this technique on someone who has angered or hurt you recently.
